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Jabs and jokes were flying Saturday night as Roger Miller got an earful of exactly what some of his closest friends thought of him.

With a full audience in attendance, members of the Bonner Springs Rotary Club honored one of the club’s longtime members the best way they knew how: by making fun of him.

The event started with master of ceremony David Sandy saying, “Roger Miller is so old …”

“How old is he?” the entire audience asked in unison.

“Roger Miller is so old his blood type has been discontinued,” Sandy said through roars of laughter. “He is so old when he was young, rainbows were in black and white. He is so old when he was young, the Dead Sea was just getting sick.”

This set the tone for the entire evening as speaker after speaker poked fun at a dear friend.

First up was Walter Greer, who has been friends with Miller since the 1960s.

“I have never heard Roger say anything bad about anyone, and I’ve never heard anyone say anything disrespectful about Roger,” Greer started. “That’s about to change.”

“To most of us, Roger is a model husband and father,” Greer said. “But so was Tiger Woods.”

Greer also made comments about when Miller first purchased the Rexall Drug Store, which is now Miller Pharmacy, located at 207 Oak St. Greer said he remembers Miller finding hundreds of condoms in one of the storage rooms at the store.

“For a long time, Roger was known as the Condom King of the Kaw Valley,” Greer said.

Adding to the laughter next was Bryan Albers, another fellow member of the Rotary Club. After describing Miller as a “David Copperfield wanna-be,” most of Albers’ speech centered on dirty jokes not suitable for print but still fitting enough for what Albers described as his first encounter with Miller.

“The first time I met Roger was right after moving to Bonner at the Jazz at the Lake event,” Albers recalled. “I was new to town, and Roger was performing magic that night. I remember him telling a dirty joke that made the entire room blush, and I thought, ‘Where am I, and who is this dirty old man?’ Not much has changed.”

Following Albers was Dan Miller, the son of the man-of-the-hour.

Dan said growing up, he didn’t think there was one club or board his father didn’t belong to. Whether is was Rotary or starting the Bonner Ski Club, Miller said his father’s involvement in the community was undeniable.

“Dad was always at a meeting,” Miller said. “He was always somewhere else but home and work.”

Del Coleman followed by describing Miller as Bonner’s biggest drug dealer and someone who turns tricks on the side, referencing Miller’s pharmacy and magic careers.

Coleman recalled one time when out with Miller, coming across a teenager with a multi-colored Mohawk for hair. Coleman said the teenager noticed Miller staring and said, “Haven’t you ever done anything wild?”

Miller supposedly responded with, “Yes. I got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. Are you my son?”

The jokes weren’t over with the end of last speaker Edwardsville Mayor John “Tiny” McTaggart’s speech.

Miller warned the speakers before the event that he would have the last word, and he stayed true to that promise.

At one point Miller presented McTaggart with a bag of hangers. He said he attended a recent event at the Edwardsville Community Center and made a jab at the fact that the city didn’t even own enough hangers for him to hang up his coat.

When the joking did subside, Miller thanked his supporters and said he was blessed to have everyone in his life.

“I didn’t get here by myself,” he said. “I’ve been influenced by so many people.”

Miller said he wanted to especially thank his wife, Shelia, who’s been with him for 56 years and took some of the brunt of the dirtier jokes that evening.

Rotary Club president Judy Miksch also reminded those in attendance that through the fun, the event was also a way for the club to raise money for a serious cause. Proceeds from the event will go toward the International Rotary Club’s efforts to end polio, which still exists in Afghanistan, India, Nigeria and Pakistan. Rotarians have a $200 million challenge in response to a grant challenge of $355 million given by the Bill and Linda Gates Foundation to eradicate polio.

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